


Andy Anders and the Case of the Missing Lube

by lilsherlockian1975



Series: Tumblr stuff and other little things [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Bad Jokes, F/M, Fluff, Humor (if you can call it that), Making fun of a proctologist even though I have no issues with them in general, Penis jokes, Sherlock - Freeform, jealous! sherlock, jealouslock, mollock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 02:44:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9362717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilsherlockian1975/pseuds/lilsherlockian1975
Summary: Anon said: I have an unhealthy obsession with jealouslock help and then this just sort of happened.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing. Enjoy ~Lil~

Sherlock stood just outside of Molly's office door, listening intently as Dr. Anders (at the moment, Sherlock's least favourite person in the world) flirted with his pathologist. Incredibly unprofessional behaviour!

Her laughter rang out as the proctologist finished yet another ridiculous joke, causing Sherlock's stomach to turn.

"Andy, you're so funny," Molly said.

"Okay, I have another. You're gonna love this one, Moll Doll…"

 _Moll Doll? Moll Doll? This ends now!_ Sherlock barged into the office. "Afternoon, Dr. Hooper," he said, ignoring Anders the arsehole.

"Oh, Sherlock, you're just in time. Andy was about to tell another joke." She turned to the other doctor. "Go ahead."

"Wait, wait, wait!" Sherlock said, holding up his hand. "Your name is Andy Anders?" he asked.

Molly laughed again, putting a hand on Sherlock's arm she said, "Of course not, Sherlock. Andy is a nickname… for Anders."

 _More nicknames…_ He rolled his eyes.

"No, it's not," the other man interjected. "My name is Anderson Anders."

Molly and Sherlock both stared at him for several seconds, maybe a whole minute.

" _What_?" the proctologist questioned, looking back and forth between the pair.

Sherlock smiled. "Your parents must have had grand plans for their future that your birth completely ruined."

"This coming from a man named Sherlock," Anders returned.

"It's Old English, you moron!" he growled.

"Sherlock…" Molly admonished, turning back to Andy, she said, "Okay, let's hear that joke."

"Right." He glared at Sherlock, then turned his attention back to Molly. "While examining the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the biggest penis he's ever seen. 'I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz,' says the mortician, 'But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity. 'The mortician removes the penis, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase."

"No," Sherlock casually remarked.

"What now?" Anders whined.

"How big was his briefcase? Perhaps a messenger bag, or some kind of tote, but a briefcase wouldn't likely be big enough to fit a jar containing this massive penis." He looked at his pathologist. "Sorry, Molly."

"What are you sorry for?"

"For saying penis. I have a little class, unlike…"

"Let me finish sodding joke!" Anders shouted.

Sherlock raised an eyebrow and motioned to the man as if saying, 'See what I mean?'

Anders glared at him once again then continued, "When he gets home, he decides to show it to his wife. 'I have something to show you that you won't believe,' he says, removing the jar from his briefcase."

"Then the wife recognises the dead man by his giant member because she was clearly cheating on the mortician with Schwartz," Sherlock said with a smug smile.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're a dick?!" Anders shouted as he stomped out the door.

"Yes, an enormous one," Sherlock replied to the man's back then winked at Molly.

"That wasn't nice at all, you know," she admonished.

"I was actually quite easy on him. If he doesn't watch himself I'll let administration know that he's been knicking lube from his office." He raised his eyebrow. "He must have several liters of it by now."

"Oh, stop it! He's not stealing liters of lube… _is_ he?"

"He was flirting with you."

"What if he was?"

Sherlock shuffled on his feet and said, "It's… unprofessional."

She moved closer, crossing her arms over her chest. "You're jealous."

He scoffed. "I'm not jealous. It's inappropriate. This is a place of business, a respected hospital."

"You used to flirt with me all the time, right here in this respected hospital. Well, not really flirt. Fake flirt, I suppose."

"I wasn't faking, Molly. I may have done it when I wanted something from you, and I may have used your former crush to my advantage, but I never said anything that I didn't mean."

Molly looked away and mumbled something under her breath. "What was that?"

She huffed. "I said, I know."

"What?"

"I didn't know then, of course, but I do now. I see you, remember?"

She smirked at him in that way that made him want to lick her dimple. He was considering doing just that when Dr. Anders came storming back into Molly's office.

"No, you know what? I was here first! You don't even work here but you monopolize all of her time and…"

Sherlock didn't take his eyes off Molly, he just casually said, "Lube, Anders. Leave and no one will find out."

The man didn't utter another word, he just turned on his heels and left.

Molly shook her head. "You are…"

"About to kiss you, Molly Hooper," Sherlock finished.

"That seems quite unprofessional, Sherlock."

He wrapped his arms around her waist and said, "I don't work here, remember?" He kissed her before she could respond.

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up and let me know what you think about my use of horrible jokes!! Thanks for reading.


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